Well, here we are, in September! School is back. Football is back! There is a hint of fall in the air. Fall happens to be my favorite season.
October is definitely my favorite month. I decided to repost this story as a reminder during
this upcoming holiday season and, well, in any season, be careful not to judge anyone out there. Be vigilant
and kind. Be on the lookout. Sadness can hide in plain site.
I am also reminded by this story from 2019, hope can be found even in the darkest places.
#peopleprofiles
Janet
And, with her permission…
Janet was 22 when she met Chris. She was a senior at UCLA; While Chris was a first year law
student at Loyola. Janet described it as love at first site. She said Chris swept her off her feet. They
moved in together just 3 months after they met. They were officially engaged a month later. The
engagement lasted a couple of years because they wanted to wait until Chris was finished with
law school. Janet is a California native who grew up in San Diego. Chris is from the Houston,
Texas area. They both felt like they were in one of those happily ever after stories, Janet
described with a smile. “He was this tall Texan, quick witted, and very charming.” She said. They
had a beautiful wedding on the beach near she parent’s house in La Jolla.
Chris was welcomed into Janet’s family immediately and he found an attorney position in San
Diego. Janet had been working as a waitress while in school back in L.A. But, by the time they
moved to San Diego, She was pregnant with their first of two daughters, Hannah. Unfortunately, I
didn’t get the name of their other daughter. There is only so much I can learn about someone in a
30 minute car ride!
Janet elected not to work but to spend as much time as she could as a full time mom. Chris was
making a good salary, and they were fortunate because Chris’s parents paid off his student loans
(contingent upon his finishing law school ). “We were living perfect lives.” Janet stated in a
melancholy tone. Chris began working long hours. He also began to drink alcohol more
frequently and spent many nights out with some of his colleagues. Things really started to
change when Chris got a DUI. His attitude and temperament began to change. He was under
more stress at work and became distant to Janet. When she tried to address it with him, he
became defensive and hostile, insisting he was working very hard to support their family, so he
was entitled to blow off steam. Things got really bad when Janet discovered Chris had also been
using cocaine. Ultimately, she had reached her limit and upon confronting Chris, He again
became angry. This time with abusive language directed at Janet, and the kids. Janet described
the scene as heartbreaking and horrific. Both the girls were crying and Janet was overwhelmed.
She immediately told Chris to leave that night, to move out. And, so he did. He first moved to a
hotel, then to a friend’s from work, and finally into a small apartment. Chris continued to spiral
down. His work declined and he was unable to reliably do anything. Janet made the decision to
file for divorce six months after he left. He had only spent a limited time with the girls during that
period; and when he showed up one day to pick them up, Janet could easily tell he had been
drinking and refused to let them go Janet was heartbroken and confused. She just couldn’t understand how he would be willing to
throw it all away, their marriage, their children, a great career. Janet made a phone call to Chris’s
mother in Houston telling them she was concerned Chris might end up dead. She said she made
one more call that night, to Chris. She had to leave a voicemail saying she was begging him to go
back to Texas, go back to his parents, and get help.
In the meantime, Janet had to start working. Fortunately, Janet had the support of her family. “My
family saved us.” She said graciously. Chris was able to somehow avoid being fired and managed
to take an unpaid leave of absence on the condition that he seek help with his addictions and get
clean. He did as Janet asked and moved back in with his parents in Texas.
Janet continued to move forward with the divorce but she would occasionally call Chris to check
on him. If nothing else, He was still the father of her two daughters and she hoped he would
eventually take a more active role in their lives once he got clean. Chris did get the help he
needed. He slowly began to face his demons. At some point, Janet was talking with him and began
to hear a familiar voice, the voice of the man she fell in love with. This changed nothing. She was
still firm on divorce. One day, few months ago, Chris called her. This call was an apology. This call
was Chris realizing their relationship was over and he knows it was his fault. Janet said he
accepted her request and would be staying in Houston for awhile longer. He then, according to
Janet, began joking around on the phone, making fun of himself. He ended the call with talking to
both of his daughters. He told them he would be back in San Diego to visit them but would be
living Houston near Mammaw and Papaw (guessing on the spelling).
Janet said that phone call put a crack, “a very small crack” in her current expectations of what the
future looked like for she and her daughters. So, she started talking with Chris more on the
phone. She had not discussed with him the anger and disappointment she had. She did not ask
him why he did what he did. But, she began feeling the smallest amount of hope. She began to
think that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance this could have a happy ending. Still, when she
started thinking of all the painful things he said, his behavior, his addictions, she knew if there
ever was a chance they would get back together, it would take a long time.
Last month, Chris was
killed in a car accident. He was sober. The girl who crashed into him was not.
When I picked Janet up from Terminal C at the airport, she was standing alone and at the end of
the curb. She had texted me through the Uber app to let me know she was in a blue coat. When I
pulled up and got out to greet her; to put her bag in the back of my car, she had this melancholy
look about her. Janet had long flowing dark red hair and very fair skin. She was about the same
height as me, 5′ foot 8”. As I introduced myself, she said Christopher was her husband’s name too.
I told her he must be an awesome guy to have a name like that. She just gave me a tiny smile with
surprising sadness. Once I confirmed our destination, we began talking as if we knew each other;
as if we were longtime friends.
Upon hearing this heartbreaking story, I was surprised to hear Janet speak of hope. Well, maybe
not that surprised. She spoke of being at peace. She spoke of letting go. She spoke of the
incredible resilience both of her daughters have expressed. She was meeting her sister-in-law in
Dallas to drive down to Houston together for the final service for Chris. The girls were already
down there at their grandparent’s house. She told me that she believed in God and she believed
he has plans for her, and her daughters, but He had called Chris home. We sat for a few moments
outside her sister-in-law’s house as we finished our conversation. When I told her I write about
some of the people I meet in my travels as an Uber/Lyft driver, and that I would like to share her
story, she seemed surprised. “I don’t know. This doesn’t seem like a happy story. I think your
readers will be disappointed.” She quipped. I told her that her story offers hope. It offers a small
bit of light in a very dark place. She told me she would let me write about her, with one condition;
she wanted to pass along some wisdom.
“Live for today. Make each day count. We are not promised there is a tomorrow.”
Very wise words, indeed.
Be kind to all you know. Be kind to all you see. Be loving. Be accepting. Be joyful. Be hopeful. Be at
peace, my friends.
We are all connected.
Life is better with a soundtrack.
Thank you Janet.
“I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand I felt the earth
beneath my feet Sat by the river, and it made me complete
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I’m getting old, and I need something to rely on So tell
me when you’re gonna let me in I’m getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin
I came across a fallen tree I felt the branches of it looking at me Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?
Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I’m getting old, and I need something to rely on So tell
me when you’re gonna let me in I’m getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute, why don’t we go Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be
the end of everything So why don’t we go Somewhere only we know.” Keane
#kindness #purposefulkindness #drivingawaydepression #WhatAWonderfulWorld #hope #peace #joy #love #streetlights #grace #TheKindnessClub #lifeisbetterwithasoundtrack #weareallconnected #findingjoy
#AllMyEmptySpaces
StreetLights 
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