Streetlights on a Saturday night

Again, we need more kindness and love. Too much hate. The pressure becomes to great. And then, it is just too late.

The darkest place in the universe is deep inside one’s own troubled soul.

For all my bipolar and depressive brothers and sisters. Written in October 2018 with love for those we lost. I needed a firmer grasp on my own sense of purpose and value before posting.

Streaming streaming here I go.
Head on pillow. Heart beats flow.

Streaming streaming getting faster now.
So many voices. So many faces.
So many directions. So many races.

I can keep up
I can hold on.
I just need to make the dawn.

Da da da…. Hill street Blues. What the hell?

Strange and intriguing like a distant bell.

They killed her.
I read the news today, oh boy.
She just couldn’t hold the joy.

In darkness.
Hung herself next to Mr. Clean
She just couldn’t escape the dream.

She was smart you know. She helped others heal. She helped others grow.

Woman Unleashed.

She wrote a book.
She helped little girls. She helped them find the power, someone else took.

She helped the pooches too. She wrote. She shrank. She soared, But she too got too blue.

Streaming flowing flying now. Is this how Robin felt? Is this what he knew? That its all way too fast. It’s too hard to keep up.
It’s so hard to hold on. Too hard to fill his cup.
And like poor Stacey, he fell off. He just gave up.

Faster and faster and faster we go. Money stress. Job stress. Where did the peace and joy go?

Hill street blues. What the hell? This earworm!

Ball of confusion. Big beautiful ball.
The winners and fast ones, they’ve destroyed it all. Piece by piece it all falls away in the acceleration of our daily fray.

Hill street blues? Why?

Streaming streaming head to pillow. I hear the beat. What is that? The neighbor? No its my heart and my mind. It just wont slow down.
Thoughts now, flying right by. Which one was it? Which one do I decry.

Think now. Think now. Life. Love. Yes, love! Struggle! People! That car! Yes, my car! My office. My space. My realm. My world. The people! Oh yes, the people. Who was it today? Luke, Frank, Michelle, or Steven. What the hell rhymes with Steven?
It doesn’t matter. They all showed up. And they brought my saving grace.

Through each, each of those strange angels, He told me.

Kindness is it. Kindness saves. Could it have saved Anthony? Could it have saved Kate? Or Robin, or Stacey? Will it save me? Its always kindness. Kindness breaks the waves.
Kindness kills the bug. Kindness slows the pace. Why do we hate? We are all in this human race?

Slowing down now. Fatigue setting in.
Shutting it down now. Pulling the pin. Took the pill. Beginning to chill.

What now head? What now heart?

Accept the grace and do my part.

But tomorrow.

Did I get that right?
Is this who I am?
Is this why I still drive?
Is this a blessing or a blight?
Or merely Streetlights on a Saturday night?

Sleep setting in. Finally peace. Manic no more.

Hiil street blues.
Ohhhhh.

Its cold and lonely in the dark.

“Lets all be safe out there.”

And all do our part…

To be kind.

Depression and bipolar disorder aren’t just states of mind. But they certainly screw with it. Suicide takes 45,000 people a year in the US. It doesn’t have to.
Each of us can save lives by simple acts of kindness, by reaching out, by acting on a concern or gut feeling. By accepting each other with love. In the darkness, in the fog, many don’t know how to call for help.
We ALL need to do better by each other.

We are all connected.

Peace be with you, my brothers and sisters.

As I began my journey to clarity and light, one song became, and remains my mantra.

Thanks be to God.

#kindness #purposefulkindness #hope #peace #love #joy #StreetLights #TheKindnessClub #Grace #drivingawaydepression #Peopleprofiles #weareallconnected #Whatawonderfulworld


Stacey Radin was a clinical psychologist in New York who battled depression and lost that battle last October.

Anthony Bourdain was a chef, food critic, social activist, author, and travel documentarian who starred in programs focusing on the exploration of international culture, cuisine, and the human condition.

Kate Spade (Katherine Noel Valentine Brosnahan) was an American fashion designer and businesswoman. She was the founder and former co-owner of the designer brand Kate Spade New York.

Andy Spade released this statement shorlty after his wife, Kate’s death, “Kate suffered from depression and anxiety for many years. She was actively seeking help and working closely with doctors to treat her disease, one that takes far too many lives. We were in touch with her the night before and she sounded happy. There was no indication and no warning that she would do this. It was a complete shock. And it clearly wasn’t her. There were personal demons she was battling.”

Robin Williams was a comedian, actor, and all around great guy who struggled with depression and anxiety.

Widow of Robin Williams places his suicide in context
Publish date: October 11, 2016
By Dr. Dinah Miller

“When actor Robin Williams died of suicide in August 2014, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline saw a surge in callers. The loss of a brilliant, energetic, public figure left everyone reeling, myself included. Williams was known to have difficulties with alcohol and depression, but despite his problems, he was everyone’s definition of success, and he certainly had access to the best of care. Stigma? I’m going to guess that in the California entertainment industry there’s no shame to seeing a psychiatrist.

Soon after his death, it was made public that Robin Williams suffered from Parkinson’s disease, then later that was revised – he had Lewy body dementia.

On Sept. 27, his widow, Susan Schneider Williams, published an article called “The terrorist inside my husband’s brain” in the journal Neurology.

Mrs. Williams writes about the joy of their relationship, and she notes that many months before he died, her husband was under the care of doctors for a multitude of symptoms, including gastrointestinal problems, insomnia, and a tremor. His symptoms worsened, and he became plagued by anxiety and panic, memory difficulties, and delusions with paranoia. She describes a change in his personality and a preoccupation with his anxiety, physical failings, and memory problems that interfered with his ability to memorize movie lines. Robin Williams was changing and declining. He was treated with both psychotherapy and psychotropic medications. He went to Stanford for hypnosis to treat his anxiety. He exercised with a physical trainer. In May, he received the Parkinson’s disease diagnosis, and while he was told that it was early and mild, his life was collapsing in on itself.

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