All My Empty Spaces Part 2: Hope

Have you noticed lately that noone is ever wrong anymore? People just never make mistakes and their opinion is always the correct one. I know this phenomenon has been around for a long time. Ego, narcissism, misplaced anger. We have all become so fucking smart that we can never be wrong about anything, especially when talking about politics, religion, or other people. 🤔😉 But this incredible mass generation of geniuses really became epic around the time of the internet, the world wide webs, the information superhighway, and Fox news.

Chris, what the hell does this have to do with hope? We thought you were gonna tell us a story of hope, positivity, kindness, and other warm and fuzzy stuff. Well….

Let’s just see where this takes us.

Hope IS actually my favorite subject to write about. And, I have met so many incredible people over the years with these amazing life stories of hope. When I drove Uber/Lyft, this was an almost daily occurrence. That in turn, supercharged my own hope. In fact, that experience gave me enough hope and faith to get me through some of the darkest and most challenging moments of my life.

God gave that to me. And I made full use of it. I also, well, my family and I also found our beloved Broadway Baptist Church around the same time. Another gift from God. We became a part of a bigger family of love, acceptance, and support. I honestly never thought I would find a church that didn’t have me running for the door 15 minutes into the service. But Broadway, and the good people of Broadway have been a huge part of our lives, our children’s lives. That was God sending angels, a bunch of them, to help us through difficult times, to teach us to be better people ourselves, to inspire us, to concentrate on a life of service and kindness. Broadway gave us hope.

I haven’t written much about hope lately, because I seem to have lost mine. At least, I have lost hope in certain things, like the overall goodness of people. It has also become clear that hope just isn’t as easy as I thought it was. Hope is actually tough. Hope takes guts. Without action in pursuit of it, turns out, hope is just another 4 letter word. Stress is another four letter word.

Just go with it…

Still looking for that Christmas miracle.

Stress is playing a central role in life at the moment. Does anyone else feel that way? Stress just likes to steal the show, be the center of attention. Stress sucks. Stress is a hope killer.

My wife and I have been married 19 years. We have seen plenty of stress, obstacles, and dark times. But we have shared some beautiful moments too, miracles even. This year, like several others in the last decade, we are in some rough waters. We have had a number of what I call Christmas miracles over these last few years and I am praying, hoping for yet another. But this time is a little different. This year my hopes are in other people, and that scares the crap out of me. What I mean is, the miracles Mindy and I have received in the past were with God’s intervention but also a result of us vigorously pursuing our hope, our goals, our reconcilliation, or our combined efforts to improve our family life. This year, we are placing our hopes in the goodness of other people. This year I am scared there will be no Christmas miracle because this year, and the last few years, people have really let us down.

For example, a good friend of mine is going through an incredibly stressful ordeal right now. My friend has been doing what she does best, supporting and helping others. Not long ago, someone made a false allegation against my friend and it has had devastating effects.

My friend, she is always so selfless, a true servant of God, especially in situations where no one else seems to care. Now, she is basically cut off from her true calling, because someone either misunderstood or was bothered by my friend helping a particular individual. Sorry to be vague with this story but its a live one so, best not to go into detail.

This is the kind of crap that keeps diminishing my faith in people. At this point, I have also begun to lose hope my friend will ever fully recover from this, nor her husband and children who are also impacted by the attack on her character and good name.

I am losing hope that we will ever get back to working out our differences with each other peacefully. It seems like everyone just jumps to quick assumptions and judgements. Then, they go telling other people their version/opinion of the whole thing and we are off to the races. You end up with a whole network of people being given lies and deception, or at the very least, a tiny sliver of information without any context.

“Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes the truth”  -Joseph Goebbels.

Yuk. I hate quoting evil people, but Joe has a point.

I feel like every time I get my hope recharged, something happens and destroys it. Lately, it has been people, not places or things.

God never gives you more than you can handle. So God keeps going “I think he can handle a little more.” And the angels all said “God! What are you doing? You’re out of your mind!”     -Tig Notaro

So how do I break the pattern? How do I get that focus on hope again? How do I fill the empty space where my supercharged hope used to be. Because right now, it’s gone.

My life used to be a series of mistakes, regrets, and failures.
Now, I realize my life is a series of lessons, valuable experiences, and miracles. In the most recent years, I have come to understand my life isn’t about me at all. It is about all those souls around me and that gives me eternal purpose and yes, hope. If I can keep my demons in their cage and remember that purpose, I can keep the light of hope in front of me. I can actively pursue it. After all, God has given me so much. I can’t let people destroy that. My life is full of grace. But I still fight it some days. We all do. We all do.

Grace is that moment when God’s will syncs with your will. You might then think perhaps you have never experienced it. But you have, every day. If you didn’t see it or feel it, you haven’t opened your heart to it. But it is given to you nonetheless. So how is something given to you a product of God’s will and your own? Simple, God is the one who gave it to you.  Don’t overthink it. Just allow it to be. Open your heart, allow God’s love and you will find grace wherever you go, whatever you do, every day.

If you want to be in sync with the universe, just let it happen. Stop pushing on the ocean and realize that your life isn’t filled with a single thing you “have to” do but millions of experiences you ‘get to” do. And those people who let you down might just be the ones who need your kindness and hope the most.

Did you ever see that movie “For Love Of The Game” with Kevin Costner? He plays an aging pitcher in his last baseball game. The plot moves back and forth from the game to his life leading up to it. It’s a love story to be sure. But it is about the love of baseball as much as a romance between two people. It’s a great movie.

Anyway, when Costner is on the mound,  he has this routine where he says “clear the mechanism” and all the noise goes silent while he gets laser focused on the next pitch. As the game goes on and he is in more and more pain, giving his last efforts ever on the baseball field at a possible perfect game, his routine starts to fail him. “Clear the mechanism.” And the crowd is muted but only for a second, as his focus fails him. “Clear. The. Mechanism.” Still can’t zero in. He does it one more time and manages to hurl another fastball over the plate but the batter makes contact and sends it low near 2nd base where the 2nd baseman quickly snags it and throws the batter out at first. This was so very close to a hit and ruining Costner’s perfect game. But now he has the whole team playing their absolute best to get that perfect game. He has the whole team and everyone watching the game full of this amazing hope.

I won’t give away the ending but it is worth the time to watch this movie.

I am having trouble clearing the mechanism these days. There just seem to be too many distractions, too much pain, and way too much disappointment. I need to find my way back. I need to focus on hope, remind myself of all those redemptive stories. I need to trust in people again. I need to get back to Church. I need to let the anger go. I need to reach out to those who seem the least interested in my hand and keep trying, for their sake and mine.

I need to realize that I get to do all of this.

Clear. The. Mechanism.

Be love. Be kind. We are all connected.

Life is better with a soundtrack.

I think I may have listened to Southern Cross more times than any other song, ever. Something about it always gives me hope, makes me smile, and I can feel the warm salty air on my face. I can see the sun setting over the ocean with orange, yellow, purple, and pink. I always find myself beginning to heal my broken heart and weary soul. For me, the woman they sing of is a metaphor for the incredible but often very destructive moments in my life that I am trying to move past, sail away from. It is about the healing power of the universe.

“When you see the Southern Cross for the first time,
you understand now why you came this way.
Cause the truth you might be running from is so small.
But it’s as big as the promise, the promise of a coming day.
So I’m sailing for tomorrow, my dreams are a dying.
And my love is an anchor tied to you, tied with a silver chain.
I have my ship and all her flags are a flying.
She is all that I have left and music is her name.”

Here’s hoping you find wind in your sail as well…

#kindness #purposefulkindness #drivingawaydepression #WhatAWonderfulWorld #hope #peace #joy #love #streetlights #grace #TheKindnessClub #lifeisbetterwithasoundtrack #weareallconnected

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